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Talking About A Resolution

Posted by marnie on December 31, 2014 Resolution

Every year, one of my all time favorite things to do (besides, obviously, complain, snicker and dream of long lost cigarettes) is to list up this year’s New Year’s resolutions. So, in no particular order, here’s what I’m promising shortly after we ring in 2015, but by no means on the 2nd of January when all other mean-well-ers make their promises:

  1. I promise to stop complaining about the college application process or, at the very least, stop complaining until my sr. spawn gets into some place for which I already (possibly, prematurely) bought a sticker for my car.
  2. I promise to stop doubting every-darn-thing my righteous, thinks-himself-never-wrong, Israeli husband says, just for fun.
  3. I promise to stop saying “OY” as a first response to requests instead of, oh I don’t know, something slightly more positive and less Yiddish like “NO.”
  4. I promise to look in my kitchen cabinets before I go grocery shopping so I don’t end up with – oh, I don’t know – more baking soda than I’ll need this life time.
  5. I promise to stop saying “do we have to” or “didn’t we just” or “aren’t you tired” to my husband’s request for sex when TRULY, TRULY, TRULY, I know that 1) our sexy time lasts for less time than the “why now” supplemental essay I make my man write and 2) the sex is always better than what’s on TV (save “Transparent” and “Newsroom”).
  6. I promise to stop picking restaurants by their good wine list only and stop being so closed and narrow-minded.  Like, be more open to their beer on tap.
  7. I promise to stop cursing my dear doctor friend’s name every morning when I drink coffee without Coffee Mate, just ’cause the mothereffer was trying to save an organ or three of mine.
  8. On that note, I promise to forgive Nestle for completely ruining my life.  Fine, that’s an exaggeration, for ruining every morning of the rest of my now prolonged life.
  9. I promise to stop relying on the day I get my tummy tuck to start doing sit ups.
  10. I promise to go the gym on January 2nd.  Make that January 4th, as who goes to the gym on a Friday.
  11. I promise to stop emailing while over-cooking dinner.
  12. I promise to stop telling the story that I needed three beers to kiss my husband on the first date, when it was actually just two (IPAs).
  13. I promise to email more than text.
  14. I promise to pick up the phone when you call.
  15. I promise to stop claiming that realism is not pessimism with lipstick on.

As numbers 2, 5, 9 and 15 are out and out lies, I promise to promise less next year or, at the very least, not in print.

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